Introduction
Before I go too deep into this, I would like to make it crystal clear that I am not in any way claiming that it is more difficult for someone who is in relationship with a person suffering depression, than the person who has depression. If you disagree with anything I say here, I absolutely want to hear from you but please keep it civil. We’re all human, and that’s the point.
I was recently having a conversation with a friend, about one of their friends, who is going through a lot right now. The meat of the conversation often focused on how difficult it can be to be in a relationship with someone who is going through a difficult time or who is working through challenging mental health or similar issues. One of the common themes in this discussion was how the other person’s “stuff” affects, well, other people.
A Challenge of Two
Here’s an example (loosely based on several real life stories): Sam and Pat are business partners. Sam has recently:
- Gotten divorced
- Lost their house in a fire
- Lost their dog in the same fire
- Is no longer in relationship with their children
- Is starting to show signs of an alcohol abuse issue
Sam and Pat have equal ownership, but Sam is responsible for sales and growth, while Pat is responsible for ensuring that the manufacturing demands are met.
Sam is suffering, consistently sleeping in in the morning, sometimes well past noon, failing to respond to emails, is suffering extreme anxiety when talking on the phone or even when they need to reply to a text message.
Pat is a great friend and business partner, and continues to support Sam as they are working through it, and Sam is routinely attending therapy and consulting with mental health professionals to work through it.
The Ripple
Sam’s situation affects Pat in many ways. Even though Pat doesn’t suffer from depression in the same manner as Sam, Sam’s behaviors, responses, and actions still have an influence on Pat. Again, I want to stress that I am not insinuating that Pat’s situation is more severe than Sam’s or that Sam’s depression isn’t important or significant.
There are many ways that Sam’s depression and coping mechanisms will show up in their relationship with Pat. A few, but not inclusive, examples:
- Missing meetings
- Forgetting to tell Pat about changes to an order
- Feeling anxiety at having to tell Pat about something important and waiting until the absolute last minute to do so
- Unreasonable requests
- Snapping at or otherwise being “mean” or “rude” to Pat.
Over time, the challenges that Sam faces may inadvertently place emotional and professional strains on Pat as well. It’s a gradual process, much like the wearing down of a rock by a steady stream, and over time, Pat may find themselves developing a sense of emotional fatigue, a byproduct of the constant ups and downs of managing both their professional responsibilities and their relationship with Sam. This could manifest in Pat being less empathetic or increasingly detached, not necessarily because they want to be, but as a coping mechanism. In some cases, it could lead to resentment, anger, and a feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness. Their once-open lines of communication may narrow, not out of malicious intent, but as a subconscious act of self-preservation. As supportive as Pat wants to be, the constant stress and unpredictability can take its toll, leading to the risk of them becoming calloused and distant in their interactions with Sam. Unfortunately, this self-preservation can leave a lasting mark on Pat, so even as Sam starts to improve and move past their depression, Pat’s callouses and coping mechanisms remain.
hidden strains
Let’s be clear: supporting someone through a crisis is no small feat, and Pat’s resilience shouldn’t be overlooked. It’s like constantly having to brace for impact—never quite sure when the next wave of complications will come crashing down. While this isn’t the same as the tremendous ongoing internal battle Sam faces, it does often demand a different kind of emotional fortitude from Pat. This can be draining over time, even for the most steadfast friend.
Resilience
While the emotional landscape seems challenging, it’s essential to recognize that relationships, like all aspects of life, are ever-changing. For Pat, this means acknowledging the emotional toll while also embracing the opportunity for growth and transformation. It’s perfectly acceptable for Pat to seek their own form of therapy or support; in fact, it’s advisable. Constructive, open conversations with Sam can pave the way for mutual healing and may even serve as a foundation for a stronger, more resilient partnership going forward. By confronting the challenges head-on and setting well-defined professional and emotional boundaries, Sam and Pat can use these trying experiences as learning opportunities. This isn’t just about salvaging a business; it’s about fortifying a friendship that extends beyond the day to day. It’s a shared journey of growth and development, one that can make both the business and their personal bond more resilient. By committing to transparent communication and mutual understanding, they open the door to not only a more effective partnership but also a deeper, more authentic friendship.
Further Reading / More Resources
How Living with a Depressed Person Can Impact Your Relationship
Mental Health In The Workplace: The High Cost Of Depression (More focused on how businesses are affected from depression, and the importance of good mental health support by companies)
