When it comes to creativity and making things I often seem to struggle with a perfect storm of hindrances. I routinely struggle both with imposterism and recognizing the value of my own accomplishments. Paradoxically, I’m also concerned about reveling projects in progress, fearing something will “steal”: my ideas and take them from me. Upon deeper reflection, I recognize that the root of that fear might be that no one will like what I am working on and I will discover the true value of my creations.
Reflections on my own art
Let’s try an experiment. Take a look at something you’ve done recently, and ask yourself “How does this make me feel?” Here’s a painting I recently made:
My initial thought is, “it’s not complete” (though it is). Then, I think, “I’m not an artist, no one will ever take this seriously.”
I’ve studied enough CBT to recognize these thoughts for what they are: distortions. In an effort to rewire these mental pathways, I counter them with affirmations like ‘My execution for this was nearly perfect’ and ‘My vision for this piece was 100% fulfilled.’ However, despite these efforts, underlying thoughts of inadequacy or feeling unqualified still usually sneak in.
The other side of the Jack
I’ve been thinking a lot about my imposter syndrome and I believe that it stems from my tendency to be a “jack of all trades”. I get intensely focused on a hobby or discipline, usually reaching around what I would consider to be 60-80% mastery before losing interest. This cycle has led me to believe that I’m not good enough at anything.
Subconsciously, I think this contributes to my imposter syndrome, with thoughts like “You’re not good enough at anything because you can’t finish anything” and “you don’t deserve success because you haven’t earned it”.
My subconscious is a jerk.
The reality
In reality, I have value, not just as A human being, but also because of the diversity of my experiences, hobbies, and interests. This diversity gives me a unique perspective and allows me the freedom to think outside the box, offering unique and creative solutions that might otherwise be lost with a more singular focus!
On sharing
How does this all relate to the things that I am working on? On one hand, I have the challenge of countering imposter syndrome. In practice that should be easy – reminding myself that I am an expert on my own experiences. While what I can offer might not resonate with everyone, it can benefit many. This requires practice, persistence, and a little bit of CBT.
On the other hand, I have to confront the dual fears of “people will steal it” and “people will ignore it.” I can’t control theft, and once something is out there, it’s out there. Not sharing would only lead to never knowing if people like or ignore my work. So – I need to ask myself, “Am I doing this for me, or for them?” And the answer to that question is all that matters.
So what’s next?
One of the funniest people I know once told me that the key to being funny is being ok with not being funny. You have to say what comes to mind and be comfortable with the awkwardness when things don’t land. Eventually, you’ll learn what works and what doesn’t. This advice has stuck with me, even when it’s been challenging to follow.
So that means putting stuff out there – seeing where it goes, and discovering what works, and what doesn’t.
And being ok when people tell me… “it doesn’t”
And relishing when they say it does!
tl;dr
The creative process often comes with a mix of self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and fear of criticism or theft. Countering these thoughts can be challenging but essential, through affirmations and CBT techniques. While imposter syndrome may stem from being a “jack of all trades,” embracing diverse experiences provides unique perspectives and solutions. Sharing work requires balancing self-validation and external feedback, understanding the importance of doing it for oneself, and learning from both criticism and praise.
